Marrying your cousin
published: Sunday | April 1, 222,007
FYI
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20070401/out/out4.html
Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor
What is the deal for marrying your cousin when several other eligible partners are around? It has always been said that marrying a member of your family could be considered incestuous and an impediment to marriage. However, some persons are a little more lenient in their condemnation of the marriage between cousins, especially distant cousins.
Cousin marriages are often discouraged because of the belief that marrying blood relatives could lead to birth defects in the child. One broad definition of family is a group of two or more people related by marriage, blood relation, or adoption.
In Jamaica, there were some who gave their blessing to cousins marrying, and described in Jamaican parlance the 'cousin and cousin mek good soup'. Janetand Raymondare two cousins who have been married for 10 years and have three healthy boys. It was only two weeks before the wedding that the couple learned that they were related. Janet, born in St. Ann, is a teacher who went to do practise teaching in St. Thomas when she met Raymond, an agriculturalist, born and bred in St. Thomas.
Their meeting was love at first sight and Janet never returned to St. Ann to live. Janet's mother came from England for the wedding of her only daughter, and when she heard of the surname of Raymond's family, she started to trace her family tree. It was then she discovered that Janet and Raymond were second cousins. Initially, the thought was a little repulsive for Janet, who harboured the fear of birth defects in her children, but with counselling from her doctor and pastor, the wedding was not cancelled.
Jamaican law
Jamaican law does not prohibit cousins from entering into sexual unions with each other. A Gleaner article on Monday, March 19, reported "Kinder law of 'Kissing Cousins'" as a result of the decision by a joint select committee of Parliament not to include unions of cousins in the definition of prohibited incestuous relationships. Inter-marriage of cousins is a practice that has been around for ages and has existed across cultures. In West African francophone countries, a common saying is 'cousins are made for cousins', writes a Peace Corps volunteer in Mauritania. (www.straightdope.com).
European countries permit marriage among cousins, and in parts of Africa and Asia marriages between cousins are preferred and, as such, are arranged by older family members and friends. In several countries, cross-cousin marriages occupy a significant place in traditional matrimonial alliances. It is believed that these marriages will help siblings separated by marriage to regain contact if their children intermarry and demonstrate sibling solidarity.
Loyalty
In the Middle East, cousin marriages create a clan of fierce internal cohesiveness and unity, and are like miniature governments providing the services and social aid that western countries would receive from the local and national governments. It is this kind of loyalty and cohesiveness of inter-clan unions in Iraq which has undermined the strength of the Americans in the current war, according to Anne Bobroff-Hajal, writing in the December 2006 issue of the Christian Science Monitor in an article titled 'Clan loyalty fixed by cousin marriage was always bound to undermine democracy in Iraq'.
However, in general, geneticists believe that there is nothing wrong with in-cousin marriages or in-marrying into a small genetic pool. A New York Times article by Denise Grady (2002) writes that contrary to the age-old myth and taboos of many Americans, first cousins can have children without the risk of birth defects. A panel of researchers convened by National Society of Genetic Counsellors concluded that the general risks for life were not high, and questioned the right of other people to have children even though they have far higher risks than first cousins. High risk persons include those with Huntington's disease and haemophilia.
Outlawed
The United States of America is one of few developed nations outlawing marriage among first countries. The practice is illegal in 31 states, and some will allow it if there are no plans for procreation, for fear of producing babies with congenital defects, such as spina bifida or cystic fibrosis. Anthropologist, Martin Ottenheimer, believes that the U.S. is still holding on to the flawed 19th century research which exaggerated the dangers of mental illness, blindness and deformity among children of close relatives.
A new study published in the September issue of the American Journal of Human Genetics claimed that physicians were close to a pre-natal diagnosis of a rare genetic disorder called Joubert syndrome. This condition affects that area of the brain responsible for controlling balance and coordination. Principal researcher, Joseph Gleeson, M.D., of the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine, added that the search is still on to know the exact genes involved because the population of intermarrieds is relatively small. The focus has been on three Middle Eastern families whose relatives had intermarried and passed the genetic defect to several family members.
It is no April Fool's Day joke. The marriage of cousins around the world is taking on new dimensions and is of interest to researchers in medical schools, ethicists and genetic interest groups.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Caste discrimination a worldwide problem for all black people and collective resistance is needed to defeat it
FYI
http://tinyurl.com/yc9zp3
Few people are aware that India’s 160 million untouchables or Dalits are descendants of Africans who once ruled the Indus Valley. But caste discrimination affects all black people, who are regarded as untouchables, even in the US and UK.
It may seem ironic to many that India’s untouchable castes known as Dalits, who are despised and condemned in Hindu scriptures for the colour of their skin and who are oppressed and exploited are distant relations to Africans, who were dehumanised in order to justify their enslavement to enrich the West.
But two papers published by African scholar and physicist Cheikh Anta Diop in 1955 and 1967 were translated from French to English and published as : The African Origin of Civilization: Myth or Reality in 1974. In this book, as well as establishing the African origins of Egypt, Diop also revealed that Africans known as Dravidians created the Indus Valley civilization.
Dravidians are a linguistic group under which many different groups fall, but many scholars aside from Diop, including: Chiek Tidiane N Diave, S R Santharam and U.Pupadhyaya Susheela O.Uphadyaya, have found both linguistic and cultural links between Dravidians and Africans.
Diop wrote: “…The Indo-Europeans never created a civilization in their own native lands: the Eurasian plains. The civilizations attributed to them are inevitably located in the heart of Negro countries in the southern part of the northern hemisphere: Egypt, Arabia, Phoenicia, Mesopotamia, Elam, India. In all those lands there were negro civilizations when the Indo-Europeans arrived as rough nomads during the second millennium.”
Diop described Dravidians as a type of the black race with: “Black skin, often exceptionally black, with straight hair, aquiline nose, thin lips, an acute cheekbone angle. We find a prototype of this race in India: the Dravidian.”
But the real irony of the caste system is that is that it is a corruption of a social system invented by the early African civilizations, according to a 19th century French anthropologist called Francois Lenormant, whom Diop refers to in his book: “The Aryas of India…adopted it, borrowed it from the Kushite populations.”
Today, the descendants of the Dravidians live under the scourge of what is often referred to as: “India’s hidden apartheid.” In a 1999 report by Human Rights Watch called: Broken People: Caste Violence Against India’s Untouchables , the extent to which the caste system affects the lives of a population almost three times the size of the UK was revealed:
“Untouchables may not cross the line dividing their part of the village from that occupied by higher castes,” the report stated. But segregation is just the tip of the iceberg. As well as Dalits being forbidden to worship in the same temples as other castes, from using the same wells, and drinking from the same cups, they are denied land that is legally theirs, made to perform degrading tasks and are often subjected to violence, including the rape of Dalit women.
Horen Tudu was born in Bangledesh into the Santhal tribal group but grew up in the USA. He is a researcher and staunch Pan Africanist who has written extensively about African descendants in the Indian subcontinent. Asked whether Dalits are aware of their African heritage, he told Black Britain: “I do believe that they are starting to understand that the upper caste function from the paradigm of the Indo Europeans and that the Dalits and the tribals themselves are indigenous and that the proto Australoids are African.”
But aside from the Dalits, India’s tribal groups make up another 84 million of its population. Tudu told Black Britain: “When you come to the tribals there is absolutely no controversy regarding the race of these people. They are clearly, physically, Africoid, they are linguistically distinct, religiously distinct; you can connect their spiritual systems to the spiritual systems in Africa – there is no ambiguity there.”
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Caste Discrimination affects black people everywhere
The Bhagwan Valmiki Trust (BVT) is a community organisation based in London which aims to promote development, education and awareness among the Valmiki community in the UK. A Dalit sub-caste, Valmikis are descendants of the sweeping class from the Punjab region of Non-Aryan groups including Greeks that came into the sub-continent. Because of their non-Aryan ancestry they were placed into the lower caste groups. They traditionally carry out menial and degrading jobs such as cleaning toilets, removing human excrement with their bare hands.
Maria Doss, a member of BVT told Black Britain that in India the relationship between Africans and Dalits is really only known among the “intelligentsia” , as opposed to the majority of Dalits who are uneducated. He said they had “lost their cultural identity,” and see themselves as Indians rather than African descendants. But Doss said that he would welcome an alliance between Africans and Dalits to collectively fight against caste discrimination.
Discrimination against Dalits is not restricted to India and as Doss explained to Black Britain: “Is very much alive in the UK.” In July of this year, a report called: No escape: Caste discrimination in the UK , by the Dalit Solidarity Network outlined the extent to which caste discrimination manifests itself in the UK among Indian communities both at school and in the workplace.
Doss told Black Britain: “Even at the hospital where I work as a supervisor I can see clear caste discrimination between two groups.” One female worker aged 55 told Doss: “If my son marries from that caste my father will kill me.”
He told Black Britain: “That is why we say that caste discrimination is worse than racism, because it is violent and direct but hidden. You cannot see the enemy.” Yet higher caste Indians who are often in positions of power are able to exert control over the lives of Dalits living in the UK.
Doss told Black Britain: “If they do employ Dalits it will be on less wages and there is no kind of interaction. Temples are separate; there is no inter-dining or inter-marriage.” But he said that even among Dalits themselves there is little interaction. “Bhuddists look down on Ravidassis and Valmikis,” he said.
Doss told Black Britain: “I have been to many places, colleges, churches and ordinary places, campaigning against these issues…we know what we need and what we can do. We try to bring them (Dalits) together.”
BVT have been liaising with networks in India and is hoping to establish a Dalit reconciliation centre in the UK in order to unite the various Dalit sub-castes for the purpose of strengthening the Dalits as a whole to collectively fight the caste discrimination that affects them all. Black Britain asked Doss whether he felt it was important for Dalits to know their history and the origins of the caste system that put them at the bottom of society: “Yes it is very important for our movement,” he said.
Tudu pointed out that because of poverty among Dalits in the Indian subcontinent, it tends to be higher castes individuals who actually travel, but wherever they go their socio economic caste system travels with them. He told Black Britain in the USA the first wave of Indian immigrants never interacted with African Americans and: “Always treated them with contempt.”
The reason for the hostility is because: “They actually see the Anglo Saxons as super Brahmins or ultra high caste Hindus…within their perverse world view, in terms of social status, race and skin colour. So they have always had this irrational hatred towards the African Americans that the African Americans themselves do not really understand.”
Tudu went on to relay a familiar picture in the UK which has caused underlying racial tensions in Birmingham, London and other areas where Asians live in close proximity to Africans and African Caribbeans: “A lot of Indian shopkeepers and other Pakistani groups have come into the US, gone specifically into depressed urban areas and have made money off the local people and treated them very badly. You have to also understand that most upper caste Hindus view Africans, African Americans or African Caribbeans in the UK as untouchables. That’s a distinction that must be made.”
The important thing to note here is that it is not just Dalit immigrants from the Indian subcontinent who are victims of caste discrimination in the UK and USA but continental Africans, African Caribbeans and African Americans. Citing Hinduism as the basis for this discrimination, Tudu told Black Britain: “It is obsessed with racial purity and the keeping of the race separate in order to also endorse white supremacy.”
http://tinyurl.com/yc9zp3
Few people are aware that India’s 160 million untouchables or Dalits are descendants of Africans who once ruled the Indus Valley. But caste discrimination affects all black people, who are regarded as untouchables, even in the US and UK.
It may seem ironic to many that India’s untouchable castes known as Dalits, who are despised and condemned in Hindu scriptures for the colour of their skin and who are oppressed and exploited are distant relations to Africans, who were dehumanised in order to justify their enslavement to enrich the West.
But two papers published by African scholar and physicist Cheikh Anta Diop in 1955 and 1967 were translated from French to English and published as : The African Origin of Civilization: Myth or Reality in 1974. In this book, as well as establishing the African origins of Egypt, Diop also revealed that Africans known as Dravidians created the Indus Valley civilization.
Dravidians are a linguistic group under which many different groups fall, but many scholars aside from Diop, including: Chiek Tidiane N Diave, S R Santharam and U.Pupadhyaya Susheela O.Uphadyaya, have found both linguistic and cultural links between Dravidians and Africans.
Diop wrote: “…The Indo-Europeans never created a civilization in their own native lands: the Eurasian plains. The civilizations attributed to them are inevitably located in the heart of Negro countries in the southern part of the northern hemisphere: Egypt, Arabia, Phoenicia, Mesopotamia, Elam, India. In all those lands there were negro civilizations when the Indo-Europeans arrived as rough nomads during the second millennium.”
Diop described Dravidians as a type of the black race with: “Black skin, often exceptionally black, with straight hair, aquiline nose, thin lips, an acute cheekbone angle. We find a prototype of this race in India: the Dravidian.”
But the real irony of the caste system is that is that it is a corruption of a social system invented by the early African civilizations, according to a 19th century French anthropologist called Francois Lenormant, whom Diop refers to in his book: “The Aryas of India…adopted it, borrowed it from the Kushite populations.”
Today, the descendants of the Dravidians live under the scourge of what is often referred to as: “India’s hidden apartheid.” In a 1999 report by Human Rights Watch called: Broken People: Caste Violence Against India’s Untouchables , the extent to which the caste system affects the lives of a population almost three times the size of the UK was revealed:
“Untouchables may not cross the line dividing their part of the village from that occupied by higher castes,” the report stated. But segregation is just the tip of the iceberg. As well as Dalits being forbidden to worship in the same temples as other castes, from using the same wells, and drinking from the same cups, they are denied land that is legally theirs, made to perform degrading tasks and are often subjected to violence, including the rape of Dalit women.
Horen Tudu was born in Bangledesh into the Santhal tribal group but grew up in the USA. He is a researcher and staunch Pan Africanist who has written extensively about African descendants in the Indian subcontinent. Asked whether Dalits are aware of their African heritage, he told Black Britain: “I do believe that they are starting to understand that the upper caste function from the paradigm of the Indo Europeans and that the Dalits and the tribals themselves are indigenous and that the proto Australoids are African.”
But aside from the Dalits, India’s tribal groups make up another 84 million of its population. Tudu told Black Britain: “When you come to the tribals there is absolutely no controversy regarding the race of these people. They are clearly, physically, Africoid, they are linguistically distinct, religiously distinct; you can connect their spiritual systems to the spiritual systems in Africa – there is no ambiguity there.”
| |
Caste Discrimination affects black people everywhere
 |
| Maria Doss at a campaign in Norway. |
 “If they do employ Dalits it will be on less wages and there is no kind of interaction. Temples are separate; there is no inter-dining or inter-marriage.  Maria Doss from the Bhagwan Valmiki Trust in London |
Maria Doss, a member of BVT told Black Britain that in India the relationship between Africans and Dalits is really only known among the “intelligentsia” , as opposed to the majority of Dalits who are uneducated. He said they had “lost their cultural identity,” and see themselves as Indians rather than African descendants. But Doss said that he would welcome an alliance between Africans and Dalits to collectively fight against caste discrimination.
Discrimination against Dalits is not restricted to India and as Doss explained to Black Britain: “Is very much alive in the UK.” In July of this year, a report called: No escape: Caste discrimination in the UK , by the Dalit Solidarity Network outlined the extent to which caste discrimination manifests itself in the UK among Indian communities both at school and in the workplace.
Doss told Black Britain: “Even at the hospital where I work as a supervisor I can see clear caste discrimination between two groups.” One female worker aged 55 told Doss: “If my son marries from that caste my father will kill me.”
He told Black Britain: “That is why we say that caste discrimination is worse than racism, because it is violent and direct but hidden. You cannot see the enemy.” Yet higher caste Indians who are often in positions of power are able to exert control over the lives of Dalits living in the UK.
Doss told Black Britain: “If they do employ Dalits it will be on less wages and there is no kind of interaction. Temples are separate; there is no inter-dining or inter-marriage.” But he said that even among Dalits themselves there is little interaction. “Bhuddists look down on Ravidassis and Valmikis,” he said.
Doss told Black Britain: “I have been to many places, colleges, churches and ordinary places, campaigning against these issues…we know what we need and what we can do. We try to bring them (Dalits) together.”
BVT have been liaising with networks in India and is hoping to establish a Dalit reconciliation centre in the UK in order to unite the various Dalit sub-castes for the purpose of strengthening the Dalits as a whole to collectively fight the caste discrimination that affects them all. Black Britain asked Doss whether he felt it was important for Dalits to know their history and the origins of the caste system that put them at the bottom of society: “Yes it is very important for our movement,” he said.
Tudu pointed out that because of poverty among Dalits in the Indian subcontinent, it tends to be higher castes individuals who actually travel, but wherever they go their socio economic caste system travels with them. He told Black Britain in the USA the first wave of Indian immigrants never interacted with African Americans and: “Always treated them with contempt.”
The reason for the hostility is because: “They actually see the Anglo Saxons as super Brahmins or ultra high caste Hindus…within their perverse world view, in terms of social status, race and skin colour. So they have always had this irrational hatred towards the African Americans that the African Americans themselves do not really understand.”
Tudu went on to relay a familiar picture in the UK which has caused underlying racial tensions in Birmingham, London and other areas where Asians live in close proximity to Africans and African Caribbeans: “A lot of Indian shopkeepers and other Pakistani groups have come into the US, gone specifically into depressed urban areas and have made money off the local people and treated them very badly. You have to also understand that most upper caste Hindus view Africans, African Americans or African Caribbeans in the UK as untouchables. That’s a distinction that must be made.”
The important thing to note here is that it is not just Dalit immigrants from the Indian subcontinent who are victims of caste discrimination in the UK and USA but continental Africans, African Caribbeans and African Americans. Citing Hinduism as the basis for this discrimination, Tudu told Black Britain: “It is obsessed with racial purity and the keeping of the race separate in order to also endorse white supremacy.”
Caste Discrimination and White supremacy on the Indian subcontinent
Tudu said that the aim of marketing bleaching creams in the region is: “To destroy the self-esteem of the local people.” He branded Bollywood as “Openly racist…because they don’t allow anybody who is dark skinned in there and they are 100 per cent Brahmins.” Bollywood producers are “Ashraf Muslim ethnicities who are descendants of non-black people,” he said. Tudu told Black Britain that Pakistanis are also non-black people closely related to people in the Middle East : “And also have contempt for Africans and blacks.” Upper caste Indians and Pakistanis have even gone to the extreme of creating their own ethnic group called Desi , because they are so desperate to believe they are Caucasians. He told Black Britain: “I find this skin colour issue to be very debilitating, if you look at the psychological state of the indigenous people. They are being pounced on in every single way,they are really trying to destroy these people inside out [and] it’s very shameful.” In Bangladesh dark skinned, short people assume a lowly status in society, despite the fact that 80 per cent of its population is of that appearance: “But you have individuals of foreign origin who are ruling the country and who are not indigenous to Bangladesh, but they are promoting their white supremacist ideals on the local people,” Tudu said. Bangladeshi women suffer most from self-loathing and a lack of confidence, despising their broad, flat noses and fuller lips and comparing themselves less favourably to the fair-skinned women portrayed in Bollywood movies: “It’s very, very sad to see a group of people with so much self-hatred and so much of a lack of consciousness [because] they have no concept of their history,” he said. One form of resistance chosen by Dalits as a means of escape is conversion to Buddhism, an action advocated by Dr B R Amdedkar, an Indian who was born into the Dalit castes who overcame discrimination to become a scholar, lawyer and architect of the Indian constitution as well as the political leader of the Dalits. He was also a Buddhist revivalist who advocated conversion to Buddhism as a means of escaping discrimination. Diop suggested that Buddha was a black Egyptian priest who was driven out of the City of Memphis by Cambyses. Iniyan Elango, M.D, is the author of a book called Without Malice: The Truth About India . Elango suggests: “Gautama Buddha, the Black revolutionary who founded the egalitarian religion of Buddhism to counter and destroy the bigotry of Hinduism, was a Black prince. But the Hindus highjacked Buddhism and killed Buddhists in large numbers. The Buddhist missionaries fled to other parts of Asia and spread the message of the Buddha in China and other parts of Asia. Those indigenous Dravidians who were loyal to Buddha and resisted the caste system became the untouchable outcastes (Dalits).” Horen Tudu concurs with this view describing Buddha as a tribal from north-east India: “He protested against this racism coming from the Brahmins and the Hindus and he created his own spiritual system that was for the black people and for the indigenous people there.” Tudu also feels that Hindus appropriate these indigenous beliefs, incorporating them into the Hindu system as a means of control by trying to pass off the Buddha as a Hindu god. Speaking to Black Britain about the reason Dalits choose to convert to Buddhism, Doss explained: : “Today most Dalits feel that they should be Buddhists.” But many state governments in India have introduced legislation to prevent Dalits from converting. Black Britain asked in what way converting to Buddhism would change the fortunes of the Dalits if they remain in the same caste even after conversion. He explained: “As a community of Buddhists together, they are quite different – very strong. It empowers them socially and economically and they would proudly say they are neo-Buddhists.” Doss admitted that whilst conversion to other religions “hasn’t helped” , conversion to Buddhism “is helping and creating an identity.” Some Dalits, especially in Bangladesh have turned to Islam because of its absence of caste and to escape oppression whilst others have converted to Christianity, sometimes merging it with their indigenous beliefs. The African influence on Dalit resistance Given the fact that Dalits are closely related to Africans and that globally Africans are victims of caste discrimination (whether they are aware of it or not) makes them natural allies in resistance of it. Tudu told Black Britain: “If you go to Bangladesh, for example, you’ll find in various regions that you cannot distinguish those people from [Africans ]. You’ll see people darker and more physically African than any person in Sub-Saharan Africa.” He also feels that in terms of the political development of Dalit organisations: ”I think you can compare these movements directly to the struggles of the African Americans in particular.” Since the 1970s resistance movements modelled on black pride have sprung up all over the Indian subcontinent including the Dalit Panther party, based on the Black Panthers which has several branches. Tudu told Black Britain: “This kind of consciousness among the Dalits is making the upper castes and Hindu fundamentalist parties very scared.” He explained that many people are unaware that the Dalits are descendants of Indian tribals that fought against the Aryans who were later brought into the caste system by force. But in terms of politicised Dalit groups: “They mentally function from this indigenous African paradigm.” Scholars like Runoko Rashidi who is US based is essentially the voice of the Dalits in the US. He has written several books on the subject, most notably African Presence in Early Asia. Rashidi has worked with many African American scholars including John Henrik Clark as well as other prominent Dalit scholar activists such as V.T Rajshekar. Tudu explained: “There are quite a few Dalit intellectuals who are promoting this African centred belief. In fact, I believe all of them function from an African centred paradigm.” Periyar E.V.Ramasamy is considered the father of the Dravidian Nationalist Movement and founder of Dravidar Kazhagam, the first Dravidian political party in India. He pioneered the idea of self-respect among Dalits: “That is, why should an indigenous person or black person within the Indian subcontinent accept low status within this Aryan supremacist framework? They should have self respect and promote their own identity,” Tudu told Black Britain. Tudu believes that many radical elements in Dalit movements: “Were influenced by the struggles of African Americans,” but furthermore that the time is right for a resurgence of Pan Africanism to deal with white supremacy and the oppression of black peoples. Commenting on the way that Marcus Garvey was able to mobilise millions of Africans across the globe in the last century, he told Black Britain: “We need something like that to unify the world’s oppressed and fragmented black masses. If you look at any country in the world, you’ll find that the poorest members of the society, the persons that have the lowest social status have African origin.” This particularly applies to indigenous people such as the Africans on the western coast of Mexico who are descendants of slaves and the tribals in India and Bangladeshi who have become victims of oppression in their own country. Commenting on the upper castes in India Tudu remarked: “We regard these people as foreigners. I myself am a direct descendant of the indigenous people – black people of the Indian subcontinent and I consider those individuals to be foreigners and I see all African people worldwide as my brothers and sisters.” Like Doss, Tudu is adamant that resistance and the solutions for black people lies in education of self: “I think the critical effort should be directed toward the education of [our] people. We need to have our own scholars doing this research [and] we need to resurrect our history. We have to know where we come from – all of us worldwide.” Tudu told Black Britain that the ideology of Pan Africanism has a major role to play: “All of us can take credit for each other’s accomplishments and that we are one people. That is all African people are one united people, not fragmented based on language or tribe, we’re all the same. Sunday, May 6, 2007Should older men beyond 40 date women from 17 to 25?Imhotep, Now. I don't want to be disrespectful to anyone reading this post., but there are other sides to this story that carry a lot of weight. :-) I must say that I agree with the young lady from Kansas City. When I was thirty one, I had no use for anyone over thirty five.That is normal. Young people are naturally attracted to other young people. People who are FIT are naturally attracted to other fit people. People who are beautiful/handsome are naturally attracted to other handsome/beautiful people. Just the same with the TREMENDOUS numbers of black women choosing to have many babies out of wedlock, then they let the White doctors sterilize them, by tying their tubes, performing unnecessary hysterectomies, or other dangerous procedures. So all that is left for people like me is to get to raise the children of other men, many of whom are questionable in morals, ethics, and intelligence. That simply is not a viable option for me, and I suspect MOST other decent black men feel the same way, although they are probably to frightened of the wrath of black women to admit it in a public forum as I am doing now. Well, that is to bad. The truth needs to be told. This is not a one sided issue. It is not all the Black Mans fault, nor is ALL the black woman’s fault. In most disagreements between genders, there are three sides to every story. Your side. My side. And the truth which is usually somewhere in betwixt the two. So here is my story, and here is why any woman of any ethnic group, that I find attractive, is of age, and likes me, needs to watch out in a good sort of way. J
Personally, I would much prefer to be with a woman around 35 to 45. They can wind my clock just as good or better than 18 to 30 year olds. Having said that. sadly my situation is that my first wife who was 18 and I was 28, had blocked tubes. So after five years of marriage with no baby, I pulled the plug on the relationship. My second marriage which just ended last August was to a very bright woman from the Republic of Panama. She saw my dating service ads online and began talking to me by phone, and by Internet. She was 34 years old in 1997 and I was 50. She had never been married so she didn't bring any baby daddy mess to the relationship. She had a college degree. She was an attractive, medium to dark brown skin woman. She spoke excellent English with a heavy Spanish accent. We discussed having children, and she assured me that when she found the right man she wanted to begin having children right away. She came to America and spent a week with me when she had business on the East Coast. During the summer of 1999, she called me to tell me that she was going into the hospital for an operation to correct Fibroids in her reproductive area. My heart fell then. I know enough about female anatomy to know that quite often after that type of surgery, women are no longer able to have children. During September of 1999, she moved here to live with me and get married. The Panama canal was being transferred to the Panamanians, and the American military was shutting down MOST of their bases in Panama. So thousands of locals were going to be out of work; including Rosamunda. She survived the operation OK, but we were unable to have sex for 90 ninety until she healed. Rosamunda was a very high status woman in panama. She was high up in the banking industry there. Coming to Cape was a tremendous letdown for her. No matter how many resumes she sent out, or places she visited she was unable to find any sort of work. Cape Girardeau is the home townof Rush Limbaugh. It is about 45,000 in number, around ninety percent hostile, ultra conservative Caucasians. She had come from a country that was mostly black and where black people had lots of powerful positions. One morning in August of 2000, around 3:00 AM I awoke and noticed that she was not in bed. So I got up and walked into the living room. She was not there either, but the front door was open. So I walked outside and there she was walking in circles crying for her mother to come and get her. So I put my arm around her and took her back inside comforting here. She was trembling and crying for a long time after that. I had tried to explain to her before she arrived, how racially hostile these Limbaugh loving Caucasians could be. The White people didn’t care how much education she had. She was still just a “GG” to them. Griselda was a sophisticated lady from head to toe. When she got up in the morning, she bathed, fixed her hair, made sure her clothes looked sharp, polished her nails and shoes. She fixed her lovely REAL short , nappy black hair and she looked wonderful. The black women didn’t like they couldn’t figure out how such a dark skinned woman, could speak with such a Spanish accent. So she continued to go downhill until one day in September of 2000, she told me she was leaving and going to New York to be with her family and find a good job opportunity. She flew off, and three weeks later she called to tell me that she had found a good job in the accounting division of one of the major networks, paying $25,00 an hour. I knew she would do better there, but I was amazed at how quickly she found her footing. I asked her how did she do it. She told me “You are always talking about how many degrees you have, but as I kept telling you America isn’t about degrees, it is about WHO you know; not WHAT you know. I put out the word that I had lots of banking experience in Panama, and in no time at all I was called to go in for a job interview. The woman like me and she hired me” I asked Rosmunda, how many black people work with you?” She responded “Just me and my boss along with about fifty whites” I asked her from whence her boss hailed” She replied “The republic of Panama” Ah hah! So I told her to make sure she watches her bosses back and hopefully her boss watches hers. So I stayed married to her until August of last year when I received divorce papers from her. She seems to be doing fine now, but she says she never wants to return to Cape Girardeau. I can’t say that I blame her at all. Anyway, back to the original thread. Now I’m sixty years young and still without children. Rosamunda decided after she got here that she was no longer interested in having children. Surprise! Surprise! In my younger days when I lived in Italy, if my girlfriend was a few days late on her question mark, she would push me down to the pharmacia where I was able to purchase something like the Morning After pill. It would bring on her bidness in a day or so. Alma Bonetto went out of her little village and had an abortion. Mary Hilyard, claimed she had a miscarriage. Cindy Edwards, Caucasian, had a child by me in 1985, and told all of her close black and white friends that I was the father. Then when I asked her about it, she said “Hell no it isn’t your kid and don’t ask me again” She then gave it up for adoption and told family services that she didn’t know who the father was. So I moved to Seattle for two and a half years. When I came back I inquired about the child, and again Donald Mitchell told me that she said it was mine. I ran into Cindy about ten years ago at the airport. I asked her if she remembered me, and she said she did. I asked her if she had time to talk to me about the child, and she said she wasn’t interested. She walked on over to a table where are White coworkers were sitting. I didn’t pursue it any further because I know there were about five of them and just one of me. So I have been searching for that child since 1987 with no luck. Folks, I come from a very aristocratic family here that has not one, but TWO streets in wealthy White neighborhoods named after my mothers side of the family. According to some old clippings my mother has saved, my great grandfather Forest Lacey was the “wealthiest colored man in the area, and he had more land than any blacks, and most whites”. None of my mother’s sisters, or my mother had children outside of marriage. We came together every Sunday in the country for dinner. Not once even with over a dozen people in the house did my family get into a physical fight with each other. I don’t remember them even having a loud disagreement. It was love and harmony whenever I was around. Now me personally, I am the only Black player in the over 100 year history of the high school here to play on the Tennis team. I was the number one player my junior and senior year. I went undefeated my senior year; eleven and zero I believe. I went to State that year and placed first in front of the person who finished in the rear. I went to the university for two years, then was called to the Army. Being a brainwashed "Needtogrow" at the time, I felt the Army wouldn’t teach me anything except how to kill people. So I enlisted in the Air Force where they quickly made me a cop, teaching me how to kill people. After three years of that, I crossed over into Air Traffic Control which was an amazing job. I got more satisfaction from doing that than anything else I have ever done. After four years of that I crossed into the computer operator filed. I have worked with computers every day since then for eight to twelve hours a day. More importantly, I have stayed away from illegal drug use, avoided the criminal justice system, have not become a sexual pervert, and have managed to maintain my sanity and dignity despite the grinding daily pressure of living in this White Supremacist minded Nation. Now! If I had a young daughter, say 18, and she same home telling me that a 60 year old man wanted to hit it off with her, I would be very concerned. I would wonder why a man of that age would want my daughter other than for sexual purposes. However, instead of going wild about it, I would ask the man to meet me someplace and sit down and pick his brain, hopefully he has one, and discover why he is interested in my daughter. I would also check out his background. If I found he was a criminal, abuser of drugs, or people, con artist, bi-sexual, or any of those other negative dangerous lifestyle, I would them let him know he is not welcome regardless of what my daughter wants. I would show the information to my daughter and hope she would be wise enough to know for herself that this is a person she should avoid regardless of how much money he appears to have, or what he claims to be. If she didn’t listen to me, then I would discreetly put things together that would result in this fellow assuming room temperature very quietly. Now if I discovered that he was a decent fellow, who just had luck in choosing women, and he was the last male on his fathers side, as I am, my closes cousin is the Chairman of the Harlem Globetrotters team, but his name is Jackson; not Benson. His grandfather and my father were first cousins, then I would allow him to date my daughter, if that was her wish. After all what can a nice, ethical, and moralistic 60 year old to a young woman that an 18 year can’t do more often? If all she could find her age was the typical thuggish looking and acting young brothas that I see around here, I would be much happier if she picked the older guy. Anyone who wants their children to date these young gangstas and gangsta wannabee’s, is not , to my mind a parent who really wants the best for their children Unfortunately, in the black community there are tremendous numbers of unethical, immoral black men and women of all ages. Those people who live by the idea of “Get what you want by any means necessary? So in closing, I think the bottom line for our children is that they find someone who genuinely loves them and respects them. Once a person is 18 or over, they generally know whether they feel comfortable with someone or not, regardless of their age. I think the black community would be much better served, if the women married serious minded men who want to love them, raise a family WITH them, and together they build the best life they can for themselves and their children. Is there anyone else out there who can relate to what I’ve said here? And so it goes www,frutavida.com/2283012 use order code of 7777 Telephone 1-573-803-0603 Don’t hide your number when you call. I don’t answer those kinds of calls. If someone desires to enter my home electronically, or physically, they must identify themselves. If they are on the up and up, why wouldn’t they?
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